of course he would. that was what he did to everyone; bend them to what he wanted or, rather, needed. then, when they broke? he left or even killed them. it was a cycle that happened again and again. just when he thought he’d changed… he fell back into old habits. though, this time around she knew exactly what he was capable of, and it was why he was trying his hardest to remain calm. to prove – not just to her -, but to himself that he truly could be decent.. if he put his mind to it. “maybe. maybe not.”
ky had truly hoped that his words would suffice to her question. even if he already regretted every single word already. still, it wasn’t like he could take it back now – he was vulnerable and more importantly… she had some form of power over him. ky never would admit it, but she did.
a reason to why he moved his right hand under her chin for a few moments. again, a thought of just ripping her apart came to mind, but he ignored it. as usual when his thoughts turned dark around her. instead, he moved to press his lips against hers – to do as instructed and kiss her.
he should have known she’d say that; wanting the answer was good and all, but the reality of the situation was vasty different. ky could have said the truth out-right, could have even done many things – the only problem was he didn’t want to. no, ky would keep his silence on the matter. that way, he wouldn’t pull anything that he’d almost certainly regret in the near future.
as such, a deep breath was taken in, and then let out slowly. instantly, he knew what he’d say he’d most certain come to regret ( what he’d been trying to avoid ). all the same there was no going back now. “It’s… complicated.” already he could feel the entire world clasping around him. “i don’t… care… i don’t love in a way you’d understand.” or maybe it was just ky trying to not explain his feelings. either way? he couldn’t stop now- not in the slightest.
“we’re having fun – i… i’m having fun.” a pause as he ran a hand over his face. “it never lasts long anyways,” he said, letting another deep breath out. “you don’t have a future with me – no one does.” he actually sounded sad for a moment, but then his tone changed back to somewhat normal. at least for the moment. “look, i care about you more than i have anyone,” a truth, but one he wasn’t entirely sure was accurate, “i really do an’ there have been times i’ve wanted to rip you apart, but i don’t – if that doesn’t mean i care? that i give a fuck about you? well, i don’t know what does.”
after a few seconds he spoke again. “what i do know is that i wouldn’t be anywhere else right now. if that’s not enough? well… tough.”
Ohh, he is doing his damnedest not to break. She can see it. She can feel it. She hadn’t truly recognized it before but, now she can perceive, in some ways she’s pushing his buttons – sometimes a little bit too much. And yet, here they are, still standing. She’s still breathing, and it’s not secret as to why. He’s gentle with her. Careful.
“Sorry.” she notes, remembering it’s still a sore subject, even from her lips. And then came his sentiment and she can’t help but smile, but she keeps it simple. Babs nods, then formally agrees with an, “Okay.”
Breaking was easy; restraining himself was hard. They would have much to get through – not to mention warnings that Ky would give to her again and again. Pushing his buttons wasn’t cute, but she didn’t know everything. How could she be at fault for not knowing?
He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, hand moving to run just under her chin for a few moments. It was new… this entire thing ( as he’d call it ) was new… something that was amazing, but also terrifying. “An’ hopefully we have no uninvited guests.”
Ky could have given an answer out-right, but instead, he decided to take things a bit easier. If not for himself… for her personally. Deep down, he cared for her – he was actually decent around her, but could he truly say he did? Not really. The moment he admitted it to anyone – even himself – was the moment that he actually had to face those feelings. It was something that Ky never wanted to do – not now. Not ever. “You don’t want that answer,” he said, glancing to the ground. “It’s safer that way.”
“It’s doubtful you could – or even would poison me.” If she did? Well, that would be amusing, but doubtful that i’d even hurt him. “Or has your opinion changed of me over-night?”
he was hoping to get up – maybe even go out for a few hours. anything to clear his mind, but instead, he was yanked back into bed, and a very low groan followed suit. he enjoyed doing what he wanted and that was why this little… set back wasn’t enjoyed. not truly at least. “—-five more minutes,” he said, letting a deep sigh escape his lips. “i need to get up.”
He removed his hand with a grunt. “Luckily for you, I don’t need sleep.” A truth, but Ky did enjoy it from time to time… even if it was filled with nightmares. “Among other things? I’ll spend the night drinking.”
Hellfirebound 