‘one could argue humans the worst of all because they are innately awful. angels are giant babies with their training wheels off for the first time and demons have endured hell.’ a bleak outlook on life, but that’s what hers had become. everything was rather awful and all of the suffering on earth really held no purpose.
‘most demons have endured hell.’ ky was no exception to the fact, but he had willingly gone. he just didn’t spend time on the rack and hoped to god he never had to suffer such a cruel fate. ‘most angels are babies and the rest? humans… with no real purpose in life.’
“well, i don’t know how well i would be able to maim someone if i was drunk, but sounds like a plan to me. try not to stress out too much about this meeting.” she smirked, hoping that the maiming thing either wouldn’t happen or he would let her go bag some bad guy from somewhere to lock away for him.
“have i ever stressed out about anything?” he had – several times before. he couldn’t even face his father – nor his grandfather anymore. doing so just made him feel like the child he was. always reaching for more and now? well, he was doing his best to hide his emotions by ignoring them completely. “it will be fine. i promise.”
“oh… great. so you gonna try to make sure the fish don’t bite too hard today or am i going to get chewed up?” her heart rate picks up a little bit. the word bait does not resonate well with her, though she would have considered herself more of a pawn in azazel’s plans.
“you’re going to be the lure and i’ll pull you back before they bite too hard,” he said bluntly. “think of it this way; you get to help me find someone.” more specifically, someone he wanted to take out, but that was quite obviously… besides the point.
“heaven tends to be a little too concerned with things sometimes. not so much back then… but now my siblings have no idea what to do with their training wheels ripped off.” of course, it was natural for them all to assume that she was dead… and it wasn’t like anyone would be looking to make sure of it besides her father. but she knew it would have been impossible for her to hide from him, still she took plenty of precautions back in the day. “definitely. it’s always nice to find one that is good at adapting, though that is quite rare.”
“they don’t as they were never given the chance to do things on their own.” ky would have loved for someone to teach him the ropes in his own way. to know what he was doing was either right or wrong, but he always had to change his ways. sure, he got everything, but he still adapted. well, more or less. “if given enough time… they could manage to do so, but i doubt it. they are only good for a few things. “
the blonde pulls her hand away from his. dejected in some way. perhaps reading too much into his warning, but likely a combination of that and knowing deep down that the feelings she held were a bad idea all around. but knowing that hadn’t stopped them from forming in the first place and it wasn’t going to take them away.
a weak smile as she sat up on the bed, rubbing the need for sleep out of her eyes. “hey, if you need to be alone – i get it… just… don’t do anything stupid, alright? i’ll probably be up when you get back.” if he needed some time alone that meant she would likely spend the night with her sketchpad or catching up on whatever he needed her to do, though direct orders came by less and less these days.
drinking probably had been the worst suggestion to offer to him, but she knew that was what she had used before she had come to be his sort of forced apprentice. she still used alcohol to cope when she could – it was just the easiest way to let down her inhibitions. helped her sleep and calmed her worries for a few hours.
“when have i ever done anything stupid?” a question he didn’t expect to be answered, but all the same, he asked it. if he was being honest with himself, maybe he shouldn’t have said anything – just walking out would have been easier.
that way, he could drown himself in drinks, and not worry about what anyone else would say. there was feelings there; far more than he would admit. the problem was ky wasn’t willing to touch them. he could have – hell, he could have tried to obtain a sense of normalcy, but he knew deep down he didn’t deserve it.
“i’ll be back… when i come back.” if he even managed to find his way back here. while ky wouldn’t simply abandon her… it was always on the play book. ky could walk out and never come back. he just didn’t feel it was necessary – not yet. he hadn’t became too attached her yet, but he was getting close. very close to that point.
“a few hours at most.” or days… he tried sleeping. tried to relax his mind, but instead… all he got was the realization that nothing would ever change. a reason to why he needed fresh air and drinks. anything to get his mind off his own dreams. even if the best distraction was right in front of him.
“i mean… maybe a little. to fit into a dress code at a restaurant better than a chain that has outdoor seating?” she smiles, probably a little too much, but it’s been a while since she’s gone out to dinner like a normal person. honestly hadn’t been too awfully long since she had had a steak – but she had plenty of lost years to catch up on. plus, she would be lying if she claimed to not have feelings for ky.
“then it seems… i’ll have to get on my best suit then.” of course, he hated suits these days – he spent years in them and now he just enjoyed leather jackets. still, he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips. “doesn’t it?” well among other things. plus… it would be nice to feel normal for once. especially these days.
‘or you could do me one better and teach me how to protect myself. then i’ll have a better chance if someone snatches me up to use me against sam.’ the possibility would never go away as far as she was concerned.
‘i could, but do you really think i would?’ more specifically, did she really think that it mattered? ky wasn’t going to spend hours trying to teach her something like that. no, he would do something better; a personal trainer, but one he could trust. ‘everything will come in time, jess. you just need to have patience.’
“hey… it’s alright. i have them all the time, i know how much it sucks. probably got some bad vibes off of me or something.”
hesitantly, she reached out and put her hand on his, trying to soothe out the knuckles that were turning white from his grip on the sheets. maybe it wouldn’t help but she had to try something. she gently ran her thumb over the back of his hand, a soft smile on her lips. she had a feeling he would write it off, but she would stick around in case he wanted to babble about it for a little while.
nightmares weren’t uncommon and his brain probably had a lot more material to work with than she ever would. to be honest, if he explained whatever had him all worked up it would probably be enough to add to her nightmare list just from hearing about the atrocities he must have went through.
“or you could put a shirt on and we can go somewhere to get your mind off of it, though there’s not many places open this time of night.”
he hated feeling so weak. even more so when he was around her and that was due to the fact he let himself actually feel for her. it wasn’t in the way most would expect, but ky genuinely cared for her, and it was why he didn’t want her to worry. nor did he want her to hear about his nightmares.
then again, he doubted that it mattered too much; no matter what he did these days… it couldn’t prepare him for what was coming. as much as he wanted to rule, there was another part of him that longed to just… be human. still, he couldn’t deny he enjoyed the power that came with what he was – a reason to why he ignored those feelings, he couldn’t let himself slip… even if it was just a dream. a dream was just that- it never would become reality.
“no, it’s just me,” he said bluntly. “i don’t…” he trailed off as he rubbed at his eyes. “it’s not important. just… i need to take a walk, find a bar, and drink it down.” he thought he was honestly getting better, but now… all he wanted to do was drown himself in whiskey. just to see if that would take the edge off.
“or something like that.” though, the truth of it was that ky just needed to pull himself together, and drinking… wouldn’t help. all it would possibly do is make things worse. he just didn’t seem to realize that.
“now you’re talking… minimal effort, excellent results. get a bunch of middle aged men dissatisfied with their lives in one area, completely intoxicated… recipe for disaster all across america. and hey, technically my hands are clean, right?” she smiles, excited already. watching drunk people was one of her favorite past times. “anything that won’t attract hunters is my ultimate goal.”
“do you think your hands will ever be clean? you’re a demon. it comes with the territory.” more specifically, it came with the simple notion of what they were. ky would never consider himself to be like the lower breed of demons. no, he was above that, and he would do whatever it took to make sure he never sunk that low down the food chain. “you might not physically do anything, but it will be on your head.”
“hey, nothing wrong with the term. just a little surprised as all.” maybe a little suspicious, but if jess was honest with herself she knew that she had grown to trust him. a level of comfort that had come easily with time where she had felt relatively safe. “well, let’s go find the best steak joint around — unless you want me to dress up for you.”
“do you want to dress up for me?” he wouldn’t mind it if she DECIDED to do so. then again, she could go just as she was, and he wouldn’t have cared either way. personally, he enjoyed her looking as she was right now, but he wouldn’t say that. “and nothing is off limits. just you and me tonight. no demons, no angels, and no hunters.”
Hellfirebound 