“–it’s not a matter of changing who you are, just going deeper within yourself. you won’t find your will if you let others suppress it.” the titan himself had learnt to embrace what he was, even after years of studying ways to C U R E his hideous syndrome, to correct his mutation – to no avail; because he’d been told it was wrong, that it was an anomaly. and, eventually, he made that his S T R E N G T H.
“–find out what is holding you back, and let go of it. if you haven’t found what you sought in hell, perhaps it is time to L E A V E and pursue your own path. have you ever thought of the wider universe?”
the UNIVERSE as a whole was vast. greater than most human minds could come to understand. for whatever they were, they LACKED the much larger picture, and the TRUTH that they were NOT the center of the universe. ky’lar found himself falling into old HABITS easily enough; focusing on what he WANTED instead of what he needed.
all the same, he stayed on EARTH due to the fact it was was what he KNEW. CLINGING to whatever he could to BALANCE him, but in turn all it did was make him MORE uneasy. what was holding him back, truly holding him back was the FEAR of never returning to the only place he knew. SOMETHING he should have gotten over by now and yet it was still LINGERING in the back of his mind.
“at times,” a simple statement that was the ABSOLUTE truth. he had thought about it just NOT much or often.“exploring it all just isn’t possible.” though, that was due his own SINGLE mindedness. there were ways. several ways. all he had to was FIND one, but he still THOUGHT there was something for him either on earth or in hell. even if that wasn’t exactly he case. “not at the moment.”
his lips then pursed together for several moments. thinking, that was what he was doing as he slid his hands calmly behind his back. “i have no idea what’s HOLDING me back” oh, he knew. he just couldn’t -no he wouldn’t – admit it to himself or anyone else for that matter. he’d figure it out then dance around the subject; what he wanted and reality were two different things entirely …even he could see that. “if i knew… i’d do SOMETHING about it.” a lie, he’d just do what he always did… ignore the pain and drink it away. it was all he could do when he started more or less TEARING himself apart.
“only the strongest can F O R G E fate, to the point that they become it for others who can not.” the great titan paused, scrutinising the humanoid D E M O N who would so humbly and openly admit to a shortcoming, with an impassible look on his rough visage. expert hands could be the weapon’s mould for crafting formidable heights of potential.
“you can learn to bear sentiment like a B U R D E N, but still be able to carry on. if you carry on with your purpose, with the right odds it may just change your fate. you need to become S T R O N G E R, and I do not just mean physically. I am talking about will. about conviction.”
as much as ky wished he could admit to what he was capable of, he couldn’t, and that was due to the fact he didn’t entirely know. yes, he pushed himself, but not far enough. there was always a point where he stopped himself and wouldn’t go no further.
still, it wasn’t like he knew what he was doing in the first place. more importantly, it was all trial and error. eventually, he’d get it right, but as for what it was? ky wasn’t even sure he wanted to go that far – something always held him back. “i end up ignoring things after a while,” he admitted. “just doesn’t always work.”
he sucked in a deep breath and then let it out slowly before speaking again. “will it be really be worth it? to get stronger…to change things.” his eyes closed tightly “to change what i am?”
“PURPOSE OR OTHERWISE, we chose our own fate.” ironic, since the one talking knew that eventually his fate was like all the rest. damned for eternity for something he had no true control over. “i may be a weapon, but i’m not a GOOD one. weapons don’t feel – I DO.”
Hellfirebound 