very few sought him out personally. even those chasing death only ever really sought out the release that came from passing from the mortal plane. any of his thousands of reapers could provide that to those souls that were willing. the question remained as to whether he actually was willing to let go or if these were merely lamentations over a life without purpose.
‘ i cannot promise that you will find what you seek in death. demons, much like angels, cannot go to either heaven or hell once they’ve passed. as i’m certain you realize. your destination is much more permanent than that of any human soul. there you can truly rest should you want it. i cannot make the choice for you. well, i could, but i won’t. every life has value, even yours. more than you realize. so i leave it up to you. ’
real choices, the one’s that were important seemed to be always made for him. he didn’t chose to be alive, nor did he want to be most days, and while at points he would have gave anything to simply be gone… the problem was it was more complicated than simply saying yes. if he did, there would no doubt be several angry with him; leaving or even being called weak for his decisions.
not that it would have mattered too much to him. ky couldn’t even keep a body in one piece for long. even when he could, it didn’t feel right, and it always felt like something was missing. it was the sensations of when his body was ( in short ) burning from the inside out. something he tried to stop, but it always managed to come back… one way or another.
‘i highly doubt that.’ if his life had value, he didn’t see it, and doubted he ever would if he was being honest. ‘life… for what it is… weird.’ that was the only way he could honestly describe it, ‘i honestly doubt i’d get any rest… wherever i went. it’s just not possible for someone like me.’
‘ i don’t usually take requests, but i suppose i can make an exception every now and again. as long as you’re certain it’s what you want. things can get rather unpleasant should one change their mind mid journey. that is why you’re here then? ’
while it was true that he had a death wish, even ky didn’t know if it was what he truly wanted. then again, it was rare that anyone asked what he wanted. most of the time he was told what to do; keep out of trouble, don’t do this, and stay away from that. it was a constant cycle that was tiring, but one he couldn’t escape from. even if he tried.
‘does it even matter?’ the question was asked as he rubbed at his eyes, ‘i’m a mistake… it’s all i ever have been, and maybe getting out is the best thing i can do.’ it was a fact in his mind that everyone would be better off if he vanished. that way, he no longer had to worry about his screwing up again. ‘ maybe then i’ll no longer feel like this. ’
‘ oh good, yet another demon at my doorstep. do your higher ups just not like you or are you so confident as to believe you’ll be able to stroll out of this little exchange unscathed? ’
‘ i don’t believe anyone likes me.’ not that it mattered that much to him. it was easier to be hated than liked — that way, he wouldn’t have to change who he was. well, not too much at least, ‘ either way? it might be better if i don’t come out of this. for everyone. ’
Hellfirebound 