Colleen ran her fingers through her thick black hair, she shook her head after a moment. “No…I doubt anything you could say would change what happened.” Bakuto. Danny. Ky. She didn’t get why she was attracted to people who would hurt her at the end of it all.

“Please just go, Ky.” Her voice wavered for the first time since speaking to him, it was getting harder and harder to keep her emotions in check. Colleen wanted to apologize for how hard this was but she didn’t want to apologize to him either? He attacked her, could have seriously killed her and Col still had the bruises on her neck to prove it. Some part of her just couldn’t shake wanting him to stay.

_{he knew that nothing could change the facts. as much as he wanted to stay, there was no reason to if she didn’t want him around, and as such… he would leave. that way, he could forget, and move on.}

_{after-all, being with her was just a dream that would fade. he wasn’t granted happiness. nor did he deserve it. all he did was take and destroy. he knew that well and yet… he sill thought he could change. if not for himself… for her. to be with her.}

_{“if that is what you want.” more so, it wasn’t what he wanted — it wasn’t what he wanted at all, but he wasn’t going to stick around. he had his fun. he had his time that he enjoyed. now, it was time to let it all go. “just… don’t get yourself killed.”}

“Me too.” Colleen said, she glanced away from him upset but sad. She didn’t want it to be like this but Colleen had a track record of not having some great lovers. What she didn’t want was to find him on the other end of her katana one day. Maybe he would really disappear and maybe, someday, they’d be alright.

“What do you want?” She asked after a moment of a silence. What was it that would make him change? Colleen wasn’t even sure if people could change so why would Ky want to change for her? “Aren’t I just another human you think you own?” The words, as harsh as they were, weren’t meant to make him upset but rather to point out that they weren’t going to work even from the beginning of all of this. She wasn’t his equal, as much as she teased him she wasn’t actually sure if he ever saw her as an equal. “It’s not like it’ll matter, Ky.” She added quietly, glancing away from him.

_{it was true, it wouldn’t matter. no matter what ky did, it wouldn’t really matter, and while he would have enjoyed to stay here… it wasn’t possible. no, it never would be possible. maybe if he had control – real control -, but that wouldn’t ever happen. ky was sure of that… still, didn’t mean he couldn’t at least try for her.}

_{“you’re not… just someone i own.” he thought buying things for her would work. even to buy her was a feet he rarely did for anyone, but still… it wasn’t that simple. he thought the both of them knew that. “you’re more than that. ” a pause, “i’ll do anything to prove it to you. i swear it.”}

_{samuraiwilled:}

“Are we just going to bypass the fact that you nearly killed me?” She asked quietly. “This isn’t a…a break up over a matter of differences. I have bruises!” She pulled the collar of her shirt further down for him to see. “I had to see a nurse..make sure nothing else was messed up. Ky you could have killed me and cared less about the fact.”

Her eyes watered and she shook her head. “You know what, I don’t..I don’t care. I don’t care because you don’t.” Fighting with Ky would solve nothing, and Col knew that already. She wanted to be angry, to be furious and rage but the safest choice was to just agree that he leave. Even if it hurt.

_{she was correct. if it happened, he wouldn’t feel a thing, and he had made that fact quite clear. it was just a matter of time before he lashed out – control would be lost. they would be in the exact same situation once again. a cycle on constant repeat.}

_{ky’lar had given her an out and she had taken it. he wasn’t one to give things like this to just anyone. nor was he so willing to give up what was rightfully his. the fun and games always had to come to an end. they always had to stop once his anger got the best of him. that was simply how it was.}

_{“this isn’t…” he couldn’t even get the proper words out as his arms folded across his chest. a deep breath was taken in and let out slowly. he had to focus and not let the need to storm out in a rage overcloud everything else. “this isn’t what i want. i just…” his eyes lowered to the ground, “i’m sorry.” though, he couldn’t get out the proper words to say he’d do whatever she wanted to be forgiven in someway for this. no, he just wasn’t ready to say those words.}

_{Ky: i won’t play hero for anyone.
also Ky; however, i will play hero for Colleen}

samuraiwilled:

Again, continued from here because @hellfirebound hates me

Colleen didn’t look at him, the bruises still apparent on her throat. She shrugged if he left then at least maybe she’d be safer. But if he left forever…

A sigh escaped her and she shook her head. “It’s just a fact made too apparent for me…I can’t fault you, it’s in your nature. If you can’t overcome it then we really have no business trying to force something.” She tried to sound as passive as possible despite her chest feeling tight and encumbered with emotions that wanted to desperately leave her. “If we can’t even…” Emotion bubbled up and she swallowed them back down quickly. “If my life is in danger because of you then..yeah. You should leave. And never come back.”

_{if it was up to him, he wouldn’t have to leave, but it was all up to her. he gave her the option for an out. an option for her to forget about him.}

_{he let out a slight chuckle and shook his head as he spoke, “funny.” he said. “i thought it would last longer.” ky thought he was really getting somewhere. thought, that he could actually do some good for once, but he never thought she would take his offer.}

_{more to the point, glanced up to the roof with a deep sigh, “shouldn’t have come here in the first place. too easy to give in, too easy to stop resisting the ongoing war in my mind.” and it was, ky always gave in due to the fact it was easier. he may not have wanted to, but sometimes the pull was just too strong, and he couldn’t fight it.}

_{“at any-rate,” he finally said, looking back at her. “we weren’t forcing anything. i made a decision.” a pause, “one to be better…. much better. just didn’t turn out the way i expected.”}

samuraiwilled:

Continued from here for @hellfirebound because they hate me

Colleen had set up an afternoon for them to train. Ky was getting better in his form, not just brute strength which Col was immensely proud of. She swung her arm into the middle of his back and laughed that he hadn’t moved to block her. “Come on, Ky. Aren’t you supposed to be inhumanly fast? My grandmother can move faster than you.” Col, of course, was merely teasing her companion but what was supposed to be playful turned sinister quicker than she could react.

She was on the ground while she struggled to breathe. The inhumanly strong hand was tight around her throat as she grasped at Ky’s arm desperately. “Ky, Ky, I can’t breathe! Ky, you’re cutting off my… circulation.” She rasped, what the hell had gotten into him? He normally shrugged off her jokes. “Ky’lar!” She yelled and Colleen’s legs contorted forward, wrapping themselves around his arm and she and kicked as hard at his jaw. Her body could win her some leverage at this angle and maybe get him to let go of her.

_{he shouldn’t have let the words get to him. nor should he have gotten this angry. yet, it was a fine point that she was making; he never was fast enough, strong enough, smart enough, or even stable enough to do anything. he simply was. he did what he wanted and finally had started controlling himself.}

_{of course, it all went down hill when his anger got a hold of him. that pure burning rage was something he couldn’t just ignore. it burnt white hot at the base of his mind and it clouded his vision to the point were everything was just one big hot blur.}

_{however, once the blow hit his jaw, it was able to snap him back to reality. well, a version of it at least as let go of her out of instinct. if this was any other time, he would have made a comment about how she was learning, but this wasn’t one of those times.}

_{in-fact, all he could do was shove himself back a several feet as he tried to steady his breathing. this… wasn’t good. this was what he was avoiding. hurting her, but he was so naive to think he could control the overwhelming anger he had at times. “i…” he was at a loss for words as he rubbed at his own neck for a few moments, “i’m…sorry.”}

“I know you’ll never love me.”

_{she was right, he never could truly love her. not when every fiber of his being was at a total war. sometimes, he could win for a while, and be kind. other times… he just gave into the chaos and ripped everyone around him apart.}

_{it didn’t matter who he cared for or even what they meant to him. it was the same story several times over. only this time, he was willing to at least fight for someone…. even if he didn’t think he deserved them.}

_{“do you want me to leave?” he only asked the question as he wasn’t entirely sure if he should just go or not. of course, if he did, ky would make sure she never saw him again. it was better that way anyways… better for everyone and it wouldn’t be the first time it happened. nor the last.}

_{“if you’re this…” he didn’t even know how to get the proper words together. “…i’m sorry. i can’t be… what you want. “ a pause, “just… if it’s what you want… i’ll leave. no questions asked and no coming back.”}

“You’re cutting off my circulation !!!”

_{he should have kept himself under control, but there was always so much rage in him. when he got angry, he got violent, and it was close to impossible for anyone to snap him out of that rage.}

_{this time around, it was triggered simply by a few words said at the wrong time. usually, he could brush things off around her, but that wasn’t this moment in time. no, he let himself fall into the very rage he was trying to control, and he already could feel his fingers closing even further around her neck.}

_{“i fail to see how that’s my problem.” rather, he failed to see why it mattered when he couldn’t even focus on anything real. let alone who he was actually strangling.}

_{he already knew that this wasn’t the best way to save someone. in truth, he could have just teleported in, and ended it right then. of course, the problem with that was amusement. if anything, ky’lar enjoyed the thrill of killing someone. even more so when he let himself go.}

_{true, it had been years since he rampaged around with little care in the world, but this time there was a purpose behind his actions. this time, he was doing it to find someone he cared for. he wouldn’t exactly call it caring, but that was the best way for him to explain it. attachment, for what it was worth, was dangerous. very dangerous.}

_{a reason to why ky even thought this was due to his involvement with her. something… that he would take responsibility for when the time around to it. “playing hero,” his words came out more annoyed than anything else as he ran a hand under her chin, “and saving you.”}

_{// @samuraiwilled xxx}

_{samuraiwilled:}

Colleen’s heart sank, the way he said it didn’t sound like a proclamation of love but a lament. She gently reached for his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “What do you want to do? You must know how much I care for you, Ky. But I don’t know if you uhm, if you want to act on those feelings? I know we’ve had our rocky moments but I’ll still always care for you of course. Even if that means we can’t be as close.”

She smiled weakly to him, feeling a bit sad that this moment didn’t feel happier. “Or we can… ignore it all together? Whatever you want I’m more than willing to do.”

_{he wanted to act on them, but it wouldn’t last. it never lasted between him and anyone —- he was always just was torn apart from them. if it wasn’t by his own actions, it was by someone else’s, and even to the point of his family’s own.}

_{either way, he moved to hold her hand tightly; not letting go until he was personally ready to do so, “it’s better…. if i ignore it,” his words came out pained, but he just had to seal his feelings away. lock them up and forget about them all, “for you.”}