the house was enormous; it had belonged to her family since long, long ago — the records of the inhabitants were kept somewhere, and it stretched far back, into the tenth, perhaps ninth centuries. back when the humans had primitive kings and still worshiped pagan gods. it had survived for eons, and would no doubt outlive val’shara. whether ky’lar would take up it’s haunted mantle was something to be seen.
he didn’t have to come find her; he could’ve slipped out and none would see him but the ghosts — and they wouldn’t have relayed the information. but he’d probably stumble on her in the library, where another fireplace crackled with life and flames, under a large painting of her mother, kylar’s grandmother.
ky knew he could have slipped out – maybe should have. the only problem was he didn’t feel like it was needed. no, he may have been quite distant from reality these days, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be decent.
he’d never been into the library before; books may have been his forte once, but he rarely spent time reading them. usually, he avoided them all together aside from a few choice books he’d been dying to get his hands on.
he walked in with his arms calmly behind his back, resisting a comment about how he was going to leave soon, as he moved to stand beside her. no words were actually needed. no, as much as he’d want to say anything? the most he could do was stand in silence – just to see what the outcome would be.
she often wonders why she bothers. she was nothing more than a vessel to any of them — to her father, she brought an heir into the world. for blackheart, it was a moment’s indiscretion he never thought twice about. and for her son, her existence was simply a means of entry into the world, she didn’t factor in at all.
val’shara looked visibly defeated, deflated, and the woman in black turned away from him again. he didn’t love her. he never had. were demons incapable? was she? she was only half-demon, born of a loveless marriage. her mother was not unlike her, the two of them living banshees, haunting this house, like ghosts. the men in their lives wanted nothing, needed nothing, and would not care if they vanished altogether.
what little was left whole of his mother’s heart had broken again, into impossibly smaller pieces, and tears lined the bright black of her eyes. her chest ached, and for the first time in her long, long life, she felt alone. unloved, unwanted, and alone.
‘ then you should go. and like your father, you should never return. ‘
it wasn’t the first time – nor the last time he was compared to his father. he stated -his truth- and things just got more complicated. a reason to why he distanced himself from everyone in the first place. no one ever wanted to hear what he had to say.
when they did, they dismissed it, and told him to leave – sometimes even forcing him to get out. maybe he should just have stayed away; would have been so much better in his mind. at least then he’d actually not have to deal with anyone.
‘just like everyone else.’ a simple statement as he rubbed at his temples for a few moments. ‘dismissing me as nothing more than his son.’ or maybe that was just how he personally saw it. still, if she wanted him gone? he’d leave – another person who didn’t want him around. not that he could truly blame them honestly.
‘nothing more than being exactly like him; you don’t have to say it twice,” he said, sliding his arms behind his back. ‘i’m leaving.’
‘ because you are blackheart’s son. ‘ she moved quietly towards the fire, contemplating how great the pain would be if she simply threw herself into it’s yawning maw — this great old house had the kind of fireplaces that a grown person could walk into and stand up. ‘ and his name spells out his nature, and yours. ‘
‘ i try because you are my son, and if a mother gives up on her son, what is she? i know i am the only one with a heart, even if it is cold and half the size it used to be. i try, because i know nothing else. ‘ swallowing thickly. ‘ i know it means nothing to you. ‘
at first there was anger; perpetual rage that coursed through his veins as his eye shot a glare in her direction. he was nothing like his father. the name was nothing more than a name. it was meaningless to him. why would she even assume something like that? ky was many things, but in his mind, he’d never be like him – maybe similar, but never exactly like him. that was impossible.
‘it doesn’t spell out my nature.’ his tone burned icy hot; soothing, but with a rage behind it that would burn anything it came in contact with. ‘not now, not today, and ever. blackheart may be my father, demon blood may course through my veins, but you know what? i’ll never be like him.’ hands formed into tight fists. ‘i won’t sell out just to have some fancy title and position.’ or if he did, it would be due to his own choice… even though it was rare that anyone ever listened to him.
‘i know what i’m capable of and what i’ll do to make sure i don’t turn out like them.’ the only problem was, he was closing himself off to everyone – even himself. eventually, there would be no way to come back from this.
however, there was a slight pause as his rage cooled – if only for a moment. ‘you think i don’t care… maybe you’re right.’ just not completely. ‘i don’t care about anything… since i can remember… i never have been able to.’
‘ you respect your mother. she doesn’t have to earn shit from you. ‘ she could almost hear it in his voice. ‘ you don’t want that. ‘ she stated it clearly, simply, though colour her ass confused. ‘ explain it to me, ky, because i’m at a fucking loss. you don’t really care about val’shara, you give no weight to her advice, her opinions, or her general existence. and yet, you don’t want to cut her out of your life like your father did. ‘ she looked at him for a long, hard moment. ‘ what is it you want? ‘ he would never tell her the truth, his truth, but it was worth a shot.
that was the question wasn’t it? what did ky’lar richardson truly want? he could have said a thousand things; power, recognition, and maybe even a place to call his own. none of them were truly accurate, but at the same time, they were. ky’s mind was a scramble of flashes at times; especially when it came to his past.
‘i don’t care about anyone; you truly think she would be any different?’ the question (for what it was worth) was posed due to the fact he actually wanted to know what she’d say in return. ky already knew he wasn’t in her good graces and there was no way to change that. so, he might as well tell his version of the truth.
‘i’m not human, i’m not a demon, and while i may be her son?’ something he was hesitant to admit, but did so given the circumstances. still, he leaned forward. ‘i just don’t see where i’d ever fit in.’ it was more than simply that – ky didn’t believe he’d fit in. not with the delusions that he figured they were thinking of; a dutiful son with the ability to do more than fake caring about whatever his mother had to say. the very thought of it sickened him.
however, he still doubted his own opinion mattered; it never did in his mind. they’d do whatever they wanted – ky’s thoughts on the matter was just a formality. ‘ then again,’ a slight grin pulled at his lips. ‘if it’s anything i’ve learned… i do my best when i’m locked into a deal.’
‘ newsflash, baby boy. your mother didn’t ask to be a pawn in your grandfather’s scheme either. she didn’t ask to be knocked up and abandoned to raise a son who, as it turns out, doesn’t fucking love her either. ‘ fingers had turned to claws, but she didn’t use them, only let the anger bleed out. ‘ i don’t want you to do shit. i wouldn’t ask that of you because you’re fucking incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself. like dear ol’ dad. what i am asking you not to do is to shit talk her. to, at the very fucking least, respect her. even if that means doing a disappearing act like your father, so she isn’t reminded of how shitty her life turned out. ‘ inhale, exhale. ‘ your poor fucking mother. ‘
‘respect is earned; not given out freely,’ he glanced to his gloved hands as if there was something on them. ‘no one asked to be a pawn or even exist, but here we are.’ what ky needed was a lesson on respect, but there was doubt that he’d even learn anything from it. ‘you ask almost too much of me,’ his lips pursed into a thin-line for several moments. ‘—-i’ll leave her alone.’ it wasn’t what he wanted, but if it got lilith off his back? he’d do it. ‘no contact of any sort; i’m sure you’ll agree that’s best.’ even if it was clear in his tone of voice that wasn’t what he wanted. ‘for everyone.’
one of the ghosts lingered by the door, watching the mistress of the house more than anything else, before floating away to some dark, distant part of the house. or, more aptly, the tomb it had become. when he spoke, she lifted her chin, but she didn’t look at him, but instead at the portrait of her father that hung above the large, imposing fireplace, where the wood crackled under the flames.
‘ i wish for many things, ky’lar. ‘ her voice is soft, nostalgic. ‘ i have long gotten used to not seeing those wishes fulfilled. it is ritual now, to ask, and not receive. ‘ she had wished her father loved her for her, and not her ability to produce an heir. she had wished that blackheart simply loved her. she had wished for a relationship with her son like that of human parents and children. she had wished for a great many things, and where was she?
a woman living in a mausoleum, comforted only by the revenants of those long, long since dead.
‘ i don’t think it will happen either. ‘
a slight smirk settled on his lips. she knew the truth then; it wouldn’t happen. try as he might, ky didn’t want to truly change his ways. he was more dead set on causing chaos and destruction around him than actually taking a look at who it was affecting. still, he knew everything he did or didn’t do had ramifications of a sort.
even with knowing what he did… there was still a part of him that didn’t care and ultimately did what he wanted – damned the consequences of it all. ‘and you still keep trying.’ not that he could blame her, but ky distanced himself just enough away from everyone so that he wouldn’t have to explain his actions. not that he could truly give a real explanation – he never could.
‘i wonder why is that.’
‘ why do you seek me out? why do you come here? ‘ val’shara’s voice rose, bitter with anger, with a lack of love from anyone in her life. ‘ you come here, you ask me these questions and i answer you honestly, and still, you denounce my every word. there is no point to having even said them. ‘ she felt the rage boiling in her blood, as though she could almost hear it bubble under her skin.
‘ you will get somewhere if you stop defeating yourself. if you stop existing just to enrage your father, if you live for yourself and stop questioning. ‘ val’shara exhaled a shaky breath, fingers clenching, unclenching.
‘ i don’t know what more to do for you. i have loved you since i brought you into this world, and it has meant nothing. ‘
‘the moment i… attempting living for myself is the moment someone fucks it up.’ a truthful statement as a hand ran through his hair. ‘i enrage blackheart due to the fact i can – my existence does that enough and yet here i am.’ his nose scrunched up as if he was disgusted with the entire situation. ‘you speak of defeating myself and yet i’m doing the only thing i can.’
admitting weakness wasn’t in the cards. the moment he did, someone – be it her or otherwise – would latch onto it. he’d been in the situation in the past and it was why opening up to anyone was worthless. he’d never do it. not to her. not to himself. and not to anyone. not unless he absolutely trusted or deemed them worthy.
‘i feel less than most; more than some,’ he said, glancing to the ground. ‘sometimes i wish it was better if i didn’t remember at all.’ he couldn’t – not of what most would deem important. childhood memories came out as one big blur and he chose to forget what he remembered. he chose to forget anything that was painful or proved he wasn’t just an anger filled being with no end. he made this personal hell and he didn’t feel like leaving it.
‘— you say it means nothing.’ a pause. ‘it doesn’t – you’re wasting your breath.’
‘ i suppose not, as cold and distant as you are. ‘ the ghost of a woman turned away, so as not to have to look at a face that regarded her with such detachment and disdain. she wondered, quietly and never aloud, why he came here — he bore no familial attachment to her, and certainly didn’t call her ancestral home his; nor did he ever need or seek her advice. it was a mystery, to even the ghosts that haunted the halls here.
she hadn’t seen blackheart in years. decades.
‘ ah, well. i have no explanation for it. ‘
distance was the only thing he could do these days. if he kept himself away from everyone… it protected them. not to mention himself. there were too many what if’s’ that went through his head on a daily basis and getting dragged back to hell was always on his mind. he’d been there several times; several times willingly, but he didn’t like it when he wasn’t the one in control down there.
still, he didn’t think being cold, and distant was a bad thing. no, he enjoyed it when everyone stayed away, and he could actually breathe. he only came here due to the fact it was the last place anyone would expect him to really be.
‘you wish,’ he said, staring into a dark corner of the house. ‘i’d be better.’ sometimes even he wished it as well, but that wasn’t in the cards for him. not now – not anytime soon. ‘sadly enough… i don’t think that will happen.’
‘ oh, you’re so tough. so broad shouldered and brave, you don’t care what anyone has to say about you. ‘ lilith rolled her eyes, practically so far they turned white. she wasn’t impressed, not that he was out to impress her at any point in his life. ‘ let me state the obvious for you. your mother carried you and loved you when your father abandoned you both. she took on the raising of you on her own, despite what plans your grandfather had in store. val’shara might not be the sanest anymore, but with what the men in her life have done to her, can you blame her? be civil to her, ky, and respect, or so help me, i’ll rip out your lungs and feed ou to a hellhound. ‘
‘i didn’t ask to be born nor even created,’ he said bluntly. ‘dear ol’ dad may have abandoned me, but does it matter? hell would have never accepted me back then.’ ky then ran a hand through his hair. ‘i’m still the little mistake – for good reason.’ he then smirked. ‘now, you want me to say you’re right, don’t you?’ he glanced at his fingernails as if there was something on them. ‘you want me to be civil, hold the door open, and try to be a great son.’ a pause. ‘maybe even human.’ the very thought almost caused him to burst out laughing – almost , but he managed to maintain his composure.. if only for a few moments. ‘unfortunately, i can’t do any of those things. sorry to be such a disappointment.’
she wasn’t sure why he bothered coming to her — he didn’t need her in his life, and the tone of his voice said he didn’t particularly want her in his life either. the ghosts in her house flitted by, silent, watching, but val’shara ignored them, looking at her son with those bright black eyes of hers. ‘ feel free. ‘ she turned away from him, heading deeper into the dark room. ‘ i know you will. ‘
there was a part of him that wanted to comment he shouldn’t have come here, but he silenced it. to show weakness if any kind wasn’t a good thing – not when he knew someone would have their claws right into it sooner or later. so, he left the room in silence.
getting cleaned up was easy; he had several gashes, but nothing that wouldn’t be cleared up by the end of the day. a few others wouldn’t be gone for a few days. maybe by mid week they’d be gone, but most likely sooner. still, it wasn’t as bad as he thought – this time around at least.
once he was done, he slipped on a shirt over his pants, and headed towards one of the main rooms. it may not have been the best of idea’s, but he knew he couldn’t avoid her forever. least of all here.
Hellfirebound 