“if i was trying to do that, you’d know. i’m just— i’m done.” dark eyes close for only a moment before two fingers come up to pinch the bridge of her nose, a sigh escaping. “i’m done caring about what happened. i’m done hurting. i’m done feeling anything.”
“you’re human,” he said bluntly. “you have to feel something; maybe even a slight amount of regret or hatred.” not that it mattered to him – ky could feel nothing if he actually chose to clear his mind. “however,” he said, hands folding calmly across his chest. “i believe the only one holding onto anything right now is you.”
“yes, well, i never really learned what ‘polite’ truly entails.”
“it’s not just his fault, you know. you do have a bit of a temper issue.” sometimes she still had nightmares about him cornering her or shoving her against different walls in his fits of rage. it was never a pleasant experience.
“you can try, though.” small fingers picked at stray threads on her sleeves, her gaze lowering in the process. “i know the whole demon genetics thing doesn’t exactly make it easy, but you can try. being dragged back doesn’t stop the ability to do so. as for him—” a grimace stretched her lips momentarily. “…i can’t really disagree there. i’d say he needs to find some chill, but– being who he is, i don’t think that’s really possible.”
“and you can try to keep your tongue in check and respect your be-” he cut himself off as he realized his hands were already turning into fists. more importantly, his voice took on a dark tone for a few moments. old habits died hard – especially for one such as him.
a reason to why he sucked in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. after that, he took a few steps back as he moved to wrap his arms around his chest. “I’m… i’m sorry.” it wouldn’t change things, but he did try to distance himself from her – even if it wouldn’t do anything in all reality. “what i meant was… being dragged back does change things. i take one step forward and i get dragged sixty steps back.”
“mmm— somehow, i’m not surprised.” there was no malice or sarcasm behind her words, but maybe a hint of a smile played at one corner of her lips at the memory. soon after, a small nod. “things change, not always for the better, and especially when they turn toxic-” a moment of hesitation as she bit the inside of her cheek, her hands pulling inside of her sleeves. “i’m sorry. about my behavior since then. feelings– they fuck me up, and i really haven’t been in a good place since we separated. i just– i hurt and i get scared. i don’t trust easily these days, and i can’t tell when anyone’s being genuine anymore, even if they’re trying to make up for things. i can’t even tell if moments of making up are genuine, especially when they’re preceded by days of mentioning other…not so great things. it’s just– it’s hard to deal. with everything.”
“things ended the moment my grandfather pulled his shit.” he wasn’t going to elaborate on it. the phone call may not have been what caused ( or even started ) everything to go down hill, but in his mind? it was the official action that caused the shit-show to start. something, that he could have taken far too much credit for, but instead, he decided to avoid talking about it. it was more then likely better for both of them that way.
“after that? well,” he rubbed at his chin for a few moments. “keeping out of trouble doesn’t end up well for someone like me. even more so when i’ve been dragged back home.” not that ky could remember every time he went back – he just knew that it never was pleasant. even more so the last few times he’d met meph. “i thought things would be different by now, but… things never change with my family. especially with meph.”
“you remember when i used to have those moments ‘cause of the scruff?” she’s not trying to start shit, and she’s actually calm around him for once– surprisingly. still not quite making eye contact, however, but at least it’s progress. perhaps one day she’ll be able to have civil conversations with him without her blood pressure raising incredibly high. // @hellfirebound♥’d
“i remember not shaving for weeks,” he said, hands slipping into the back pockets of his jeans. “among other things, i was only doing it for your benefit.” a slight grin pulled at his lips for a few moments. “back then, things were easy. i just don’t think scruff suits me as it used to.” at least they were being civil – so that was quite honestly a plus. “then again times change.”
“we have history, ky. i know how you work— and it’s exhausting being mad all the time, but you never fail in bringing those emotions up in me all over again. ninety percent of the time lately, anything with you has been height comments or shit about my current nonexistent love life. so until you give me reason to believe you’re trying to be genuinely nice again, i’m not going to.”
“i’m attempting to be – that’s something, isn’t it?” in his mind, he honestly thought it was. “’course, if i wanted to be rude? i could very well bring up a few hundred things, but for now? i’ll keep my lips sealed.” not that he couldn’t insult her for simply breathing, but still – he was trying to be decent. even if the attempt… wasn’t really going to end up working well. “more or less.”
“insulting in the first place is nowhere near being nice, and you know it.”
“oh, i think you mean… not being nice to you, right? ‘cause, i try being nice, i get nowhere, and i go back to my usual, an’ get no where. so, if i’m gonna get in trouble? i might as well do so for a reason.”
“You’re gonna be rude? Okay, you’ve lost the pleasure of my presence.” // @hellfirebound + sc
“—- really jan?” he couldn’t help, but roll his eyes at her comment. “ i was trying to be nice.” a pause. “unless, you want me to insult you more than usual.”
Hellfirebound 